Let's Get Drunk And Call It Education

So what do educated San Franciscans do on a Wednesday night? We head to SOMA and learn to taste cognac in a building so new that we walk past work-benches, dust sheets, and scattered tools through a wide-open garage still under construction.

We are also told about www.sfbeerweek.com and the soon-to-be-active www.experiencecognac.com, so we can take our drinking into the 21st century, which is good, because our real life is in the 21st century too. [Marina: the event was unsubtly subsidized by France and the EU, emphasizing the appellation-style uniqueness of the Cognac region on France's Atlantic coast.]

Did I just shill? Yes, but keep in mind that for $20, I got two glasses of punch, four generous shots of cognac, and two cocktails. I may be for sale, but at least I get value for money.

The last whisky class we took was at 18 Reasons. This cognac class was at The Boothby Center For The Beverage Arts, the home of The Barbary Coast Conservancy of the American Cocktail. I think the name leaves no need for further explanation. Yes, we San Franciscans take cocktails seriously. We could devote our time to learning foreign languages--like Chinese or Arabic--or preparing for the apocalypse by cultivating an urban garden, but why do that when we can learn proper mixology? When Rome burns, I will have my fiddle ready. And a tumbler of whiskey, too.

You might think I'm being sarcastic. I'm never sarcastic when it comes to cocktails. I'm almost 31--tomorrow's my birthday, in fact--so I no longer feel the need to hide the fact that I like learning about cocktails. Yes, learning foreign languages would be good--Marina and I have talked about studying Italian--but that would not make for as amusing a topic as learning about cocktails, at least not in this forum, so cocktails it is!

The class started out in the manner of a pep rally, really. To paraphrase the first speaker's introduction: "Cognac is great and marvelous and delightful, blah blah blah. We have a treat for you today. We're starting at this level" as he held his arm up at a random height at approximately eye-level, "and going on from there."

He went on to extol the foresight of the "houses" in the Cognac region in France, who on multiple occasions resisted the urge to form monopolies on cognac-production for the sake of preserving the economy of the region as a whole. It was about that time that two random guys with classic French accents took their leave of the class amidst good-hearted banter with the instructors. [Marina: Am I sensing some anti-Francophone hostility?]

Later, he pointed out that the EU passed a law in 2008 to protect the name Cognac, preserving the name for just those spirits distilled in the region in France. Apparently the US is one of few countries to not really respect that. Silly America.

Did I mention that the class was developed in conjunction with Le Bureau National Interprofessionnel du Cognac?

I did love the description of the town of Cognac, where apparently as you walk down the street, you can smell the cognac permeating the ground from the cellars holding millions of barrels. That's a great image. [Marina: ew.]

The class became even more fascinating when we delved into the history and nature of cognac itself. For one, we learned that you do not heat the snifter. Cognac is drunk at room temperature, which is fitting, because so am I, usually.

A quick and dirty summary of what we learned, in a list of highlights that especially intrigued me:

1) In the 12th and 13th centuries, the Cognac region of France was known for wine, and large salt deposits. Dutch and English traders came and exported salt and wine all around the world. As the wine would start to spoil, the sailors started cooking the wine, before adding water back when they reached their destination. This made for a more intense drink, called eaux-de-vie.

2) Punch came about when English sailors in India ran out of beer. Looking for a palatable drink, they would take the eaux-de-vie on board, add citrus, water, and spice, such as nutmeg. This punch became an English naval tradition that spread back to England in the 1670s, where it took root in coffeehouses.

3) Punch is a "welcoming drink," very much oriented to a community. It was traditionally served in small amounts so that people would go back to the punch bowl repeatedly, where they could meet other drinkers, gossip, complain about the unreasonable demands of ye olde reports at work, etc.

4) Residents of the US are the number one consumers of cognac in the world, but the Chinese are quickly catching up. We have our work cut out for us, America!

5) When you taste, you should take two sips. The first sip is merely a "rinse" that you spit out, which may be the only time in the world where spitting marks you as discerning and educated. The reason for this is that the first sip, and spitting it out, cleanses your palate of whatever you ate or drank previously. And there was a distinctly noticeable difference in the sensation of the first and second sips of each cognac we tasted.

6) One reason for cocktails before dinner is that the acidity in a cocktail makes you hungry by activating gastric juices. That's just nifty!

7) "We drink to taste good things . . . We taste how we eat." I think that is as useful a philosophy as you are likely to find in this crazy old world. Or at least as usefully hedonistic a philosophy, which is all we can ask for, probably.

IN OTHER NEWS:

I've heard that some people found this blog particularly fun in the beginning, when I knew less about what I was doing. Apparently I have learned way too quickly. But never let it be said that I don't try to give people what they want. Please submit some intriguing, random/obscure culinary experiments you would like Marina and me to attempt to take us out of our comfort zone, keeping in mind the following restrictions:

a) I don't eat red meat or pork (pork is not red meat, right?);

b) I can't stand sauerkraut, so sauerkraut would earn an immediate veto; and

c) no mushrooms.

Let the games begin!